I See Beyond The Trees, I See Endless Possibilities

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Last year, I wrote a new years post called Seeing Beyond the Trees; that I would go back and read upon this new year. I was very optimistic in this post about the year 2014 and quite sure I would step into my purpose. Funny enough this was the second most roughest year of my life. I struggled my way through it. I still have no clue what my purpose is but I think I have an idea of what it could be.

So this blog is simply about what I have learned this year. I learned that love is the answer. That having my peace of mind is more important than trying to please people. That if anything seems unhealthy for me as a person, then I have all right not to go or be involved. I learned that sometimes we can be as optimistic as the sun is shining and life will just down right still suck no matter what you do.

However, I have learned what it means to fight for myself and what I believe in. I have learned what it means to be content. That sometimes we are going to struggle and have doubts, fears and insecurities. It is just what we do with those doubts, fears and insecurities that matters. That sometimes we are going to fail and get things wrong. That praying to God is so important in my life’s journey; it is necessary for my foundation as a person. But overall I have truly learned that love is so vital.

I say that because we can travel the world, be the wealthiest person ever, have a family, a house, cars, the dream job and some more. Yet, if we do not have love in our hearts it means nothing. If we do not have people that we can love and receive love from, it all seems pointless. So for this year all I want to do is be purposeful about any decision I make and the lives that I hopefully am fortunate to impact in a positive way. I want to push past my fears and doubts and just go for the goals I have set for myself. I want to be kind to myself and know that I am doing the best that I can with what I have. I want to love, be loving and not hold back. I want to embrace my new beginning. I want to simply believe that all things are possible and that regardless of what comes my way; God is still God.

You are loved, cherished and valued. Until next time. 🙂

Leaning To the Right?

I apologize for taking so long to write my next blog. I have a few in mind, but for some reason this one just jumped out at me.

I took up my laptop to go check something I was looking at earlier before making a phone call and I saw that my screen was crooked. It was leaning towards the right. One side of my screen broke off and needs to be fixed, so it doesn’t open and close the way that it’s supposed to. For some reason all I could think is that there are so many of us who are broken or have been in broken places but we still had to function in life.

It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I recall going through a dark period in my life. I was about 18 years old and my Pastor had been murdered. (It took me 7 years to actually say that; I had just tucked it away in the back of my mind.) At the funeral I was asked to usher. After the funeral, it seemed life went on in the church. I was still involved in the youth ministry. I was still dancing, choreographing routines with my friend, speaking on youth Sunday if asked, moderating youth services and some more. I recall now looking back as having to function at full capacity when I wanted to curl up in a ball and die myself.

You ever feel like what you are doing still isn’t good enough? Here you are doing the best you can with what you have and still it seems you are being judged and criticized? I have. Ever want to just yell, I AM BROKEN BUT AT LEAST I AM TRYING TO DO SOMETHING HERE. I think sometimes we all have moments where we fail to realize that a person is broken and yet trying to give. There is nothing worse than giving out of your empty, broken place and feeling unappreciated.

So as I sat here looking at my laptop, I decided to encourage you. That even though you might be leaning a little bit to the right (lol) and you may not feel your best self. That is perfectly okay. If others aren’t understanding of that there is nothing you can really do. Sure you can have a conversation with them about it or you can let people be people. Get to a healthy place. Take a step back if you have to. Breathe. Cry. Move Forward. Cry again. But just know that we are all leaning a little to the right in one way or another. None of us are perfect and if nobody else tells you; I appreciate what you are giving at this time when you feel you have absolutely nothing to give.

Until next time, you are loved, cherished and valued. 🙂

There is No Greater Gift

As we have entered into the holiday season, one thing keeps ringing in my mind.

Love.

Growing up, you see so many things on TV. You see different celebrities with their cars, houses, jewelry and such. You begin to have these materialistic goals without even realizing it. You become consumed with the latest trends; what’s cool and what’s not. So much so, that you can lose sight of what is important.

Beyonce has this song called “Pretty Hurts” and in the video she is asked what her aspiration in life is. She ponders for a moment saying that’s a good question and then states it is to be happy. Something struck me the first time I watched it and heard the song. I kept saying “happy” in my mind as if though the word was on instant replay. I realized then she had discovered something that I hadn’t. That none of this stuff really matters if you aren’t even happy, let alone happy with yourself.

You see you can get the house. You can get married, have kids, be an entrepreneur. You can travel the world, be spiritual, even go to church. You can accomplish all your goals, climb the corporate ladder, but if you don’t have love it means nothing. Love isn’t some whimsical scene at the end of the movie where the guy gets the girl. No, no, no. It’s far more deeper than that.

See love bears all things. Love is meant to be unconditional. We were created with this innate ability to love and be loved in return. We don’t always get it right, but it is powerful when we do. Love in it’s purest form moves the soul. It’s not something that can be scientifically explained; real love that is. It trumps divorces, a child cursing out a parent or a partner cheating. You see beyond faults; it causes you to forgive. No, I am not at all saying it is okay for a child to disrespect their parent or for someone to cheat. What I am saying is that, love is the reason the parent forgives and keeps on loving. Love is the reason that relationship worked after the infidelity. It’s why they went to counseling and fought hard to protect the love they shared.

This has been one of the roughest years of my life to date and yet the most valuable lesson I have learned is to love, accept love and to keep on loving in spite of. I have been loved on in ways that I cannot even begin to express. Through text messages, inboxes, a simple tag on Instagram or a phone call. I have laughed myself to tears this year from being loved on. My heart is overjoyed because no amount of money could compare to how loved I am. Love rescues and it sets free. I have been set free. My life is so different now because of my perspective. You see a homeless man loved on me while I was trying to love on him. By love, I mean encourage. He said some people have it worse and now when we see each other we smile, share a conversation and he knows it is going to get better. I challenge you to just love (be kind) to someone. Just try it.

So I know you may have had a heartbreak. I know your parent/s probably royally screwed up. I know you lost some friends. I know you want to isolate yourself but you shouldn’t. I know that you think that money, clothes, cars, houses, degrees and status will make you feel happy. However happiness is only temporary. So I say to you this evening, choose love. For the joy that comes with freed love is eternal and it will change your life for the better. I chose the picture for this blog because of the freedom it expresses. You see when you really love, you are free. Today is your day to be free 🙂

Until next time, be blessed. You are loved, cherished and valued.

Waves of What Ifs

We all have been in a place where we have asked this one question. What if? It is something about those two words that cause people to ponder on life decisions over and over. You will see a person years later in life, walking around a kitchen, lost in thought asking themselves this very thing.

What if he had never left? What if my child was still alive? What if my mom had never passed away? What if I had taken that job? What if I had moved to that state? What if I had stayed? What if I had fought harder? What if I had loved her differently? What if I had just had a little more faith?

It’s like this haunted question that tortures the soul without us realizing it. We dream. We pray. We move on. Yet we have not moved at all. Sure, you may have moved on physically but within yourself you are still that 15 year old girl or that 35 year old man asking yourself the question. Replaying moments over and over again. Reliving things that you cannot change.

I have asked myself this question more than I would have liked to. I have found myself asking it a lot more recently. It’s because I have this one thing that I wish were different. I am honest enough to say it. I could pretend, but that’s not my style. I suppose it’s the paralyzing hope that a different outcome may occur if I give it enough time. The reality is that is probably not the case. However, I guess I wish I was in some Disney film and some magical moment will happen that will cause all my dreams to come true. A girl can dream, can’t she?

So I have decided to live. I may question what if again and perhaps for many other reasons. I won’t punish myself for the thoughts because I am human. So are you. All I can say is that sometimes we can’t fix it; whatever “it” may be. Sometimes all you can do is let the waves of life wash over you and keep swimming.

You are loved, cherished and valued. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

If Tomorrow Comes, Love Again

Love is unconditional. Real love that is. In it’s purest form, love doesn’t make any sense because you end up loving when you should feel hate instead. I was thinking this morning that when we are born into this world we have no known concept of love or any emotions rather. Unless God placed it deep into our DNA, then we truly do learn how to love from our environment. As we grow up we learn how to love from our parents/guardians, family members, friends and anyone else who is close to us. We don’t realize that we are being taught but we are in this life lesson of love.

So from a young age, we learn what it means when we hold a hand, receive a hug, receive a gift and so much more. Each of us grew up differently. A parent can have five kids in a house and they will each give and receive love in various ways. We all have different love languages, some more than one. Negative experiences also impact the way that we view love and what it means to us. So now we are grown up and we have met someone. This man and this woman are speaking two different languages yet they are expected to love wholeheartedly.

The woman perhaps is looking to be protected, made to feel safe, be showered with gift, have him be faithful. The man may be looking for her to be faithful as well, yet sex plagues his mind, he needs her attention. On the surface it seems they want the same thing but deep down they may not. They may both want a relationship or a marriage but they have no clue what that is supposed to look like. You see most women are raised to think about marriage and finding a husband. They spend their entire lives preparing for it without even realizing it. They get the easy bake oven, play house etc. Most men are taught to be strong, take out the trash, not to be sensitive or show too much emotion. They are surrounded by other guys who talk about sex 24/7 and so now they equate a relationship to good consistent sex.

So here is this couple who are from two totally different worlds. They find themselves clashing and at odds with one another more often than not. They are frustrated because there is love there, yet their love tank feels so empty. They don’t want to split because they have already invested so much time and energy into the relationship. However, something happens and they both go their separate ways,There is a pain that lingers when a relationship you truly wanted to work doesn’t and you have to split up. The reason being is because it’s not all the time that a relationship ends because someone cheats. Sometimes it’s simply because the two people don’t understand each other. One may need quality time to feel loved and the other may need words of affirmation.

So I write this blog today to encourage someone who may be in a relationship that isn’t working, just ended or who is dating again. Even for the married person who is saying this is not what I signed up for. No I am not married and can’t speak to what married life is like; I can only speak to relationships and what I have learned along the way. Don’t beat yourself up. Take time to learn why the relationship didn’t work or isn’t working. Focus on what your partner was consistently complaining about, why and how you can do better going forward. Relationships take hard work, consistency, effective communication and unconditional love. It’s not about who is wrong, but the fact that each person’s feelings are valid. It’s what you choose to do with the feelings that can be deemed negative or wrong.

If you are experiencing heartache because you just swore you were going to spend your life with this person; I pray a comfort to your heart today. May the ache in your soul melt. Sometimes in life we get a second chance to love that person again for who they are today, the right way. Sometimes we get to simply apologize, make amends, grow and give love to someone else not repeating the same mistakes. None of us are perfect and we will always have flaws. It’s the imperfections that make a person. Always remember why you fell in love with that man or woman in the first place. You aren’t always going to feel the love, but you stay until it comes back in a healthy situation. Don’t focus so much on what isn’t working but on what is. Don’t be angry or bitter. Free yourself today to love again. Enjoy each day with a person even if you can’t see them physically because it’s a day you can’t get back. And remember if tomorrow comes, love again.

You are loved, cherished and valued.

Lady Bugs of Miracles

I used to think that miracles were the parting of the red sea. These huge moments in time or history that were so unforgettable. A person miraculously escaping a fire. The tumor not being there when they go for a second look. Getting discovered to sing at a gas station like Toni Braxton or being picked out to be a model in the middle of a mall.

These are all great miracles that need not to be overlooked. I think that we need not neglect them and give thanks when these types of miracles happen. However, in the past year with everything that I have gone through I have learned to look at the everyday miracles. The ones that we almost miss because we are too busy looking for Moses’ Rod to turn into a snake to scare off Pharaoh.

This year has taught me the everyday miracle. The ones that are small and if you are not paying attention you could miss them. The ones that we take for granted because we don’t think it’s a miracle, we think it’s just another day. However, I see them all the time and I smile and chuckle to myself because it’s just that amazing.

When I see a ladybug fly on my car window and I know it’s God’s way of telling me everything will be okay, to free myself because great things are coming. When I get to hear my friend’s voice on the phone because it’s been a while since I have talked to her. When an unexpected check comes in the mail for just the right amount for a bill. The sound of myself laughing because I know what immense pain and depression feels like. I know what it feels like to wonder if joy is coming at all. The miracle in a friend taking me to dinner so we can spend time together. I realized that although some may think the blessing is in the house, the nice cars, clothes and then some; it is so much more than that. It is in the ability to love and be loved.

Today my miracle was getting a phone call, while on the phone with my best friend expressing how I still haven’t heard back from this job yet. I laughed because I truly believe God has a sense of humor. You see I don’t see things the way that I used to. I notice the way the wind blows the leaves on a tree. The way the light hits the park benches. The colors of the leaves in fall. The sound of rain that calms my soul. I pay attention to the way I am loved, having it expressed and embrace it. Because what I have learned is the miracle is rooted in love and being able to see love in all things when the light seems to be dimming.

So I say to you. Don’t always look for the big miracles. Look for the ones that are happening everyday and give thanks that you are able to experience it. It then causes you not to feel as if you have been cast aside because you have this profound sense of appreciation for life itself. No, everyday is not going to be great but life is what you make of it. You can let life’s experiences make you stronger or hard. Don’t let them make you hard; find your strength and give love to the people around you because you can. See your everyday miracle because they are bigger than you think. Next time you see a lady bug, smile. If you see three, smile even bigger because the miraculous is right around the corner.

“Enjoy the little things in life, for someday you will realize they were the big things.”

You are loved, cherished and valued. Enjoy the rest of your weekend for it shall be miraculous in ways you couldn’t even imagine.

A Change is Gonna Come

We live in a world that is ever changing. Life is happening everyday and many things are out of our control. Sometimes it seems we are ever looking for stability and we only end up in the midst of chaos.

Change is inevitable; it is what gives life it’s unpredictability. A few years ago I said that life is our very own improv show because you never know what is going to happen next. You simply roll with the punches. Even when you have a routine, something always happens that disrupts it. No day ever goes the same exact way twice. Think about it. Life is like a snowflake, each one is uniquely structured and designed differently.

Some change is good and some is bad. We can discuss the bad ones first so that we can end on a positive note. You may have had a loved one die. It could have been sudden, unexpected and it turned your whole world upside down. You could have planned your whole life to go to a specific college and you got a rejection letter. Now you feel a loss of identity and disheartened that everything may not be as great as you thought.

You probably dated a person for years. It could have been on and off again, but you still thought you were going to get married and have a family. Now he or she is out the door and you feel like relationships just don’t work. You are losing hope. You worked at job for 30 years of your life and now they laid you off. You are forced back into the job market and you see how much things have changed. You feel like you are losing yourself while the unemployment checks are about to stop coming in. These changes are the kinds that can cause fear and cripple you.

However, there are positive changes. Although you were laid off, you were able to restart your career in a way you never thought possible. Perhaps when that relationship ended, not too long after you found someone amazing who truly has blessed your life. It could also be that you are purchasing a new home for the first time. Maybe, you decided to pursue your passion and you are beyond nervous about it. Yet you know this change is what you need.

How come you still feel just as fearful as you may have with the negative changes? It is because change is never easy. It represents something new; something you have never experienced before. Some days I feel like I am waiting on this complete stability that is never going to come. This peace that will exist everyday regardless of what is going on. Most days I have tremendous peace and then their are days where it is disrupted and it throws me off my game. For some of your safety, assurance and stability are probably very important. I know they are for me.

All I can tell you is that changes are always going to happen whether good or bad. You just have to be sure to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep looking for it until its so bright you don’t see it anymore because it now surrounds you completely. Maybe the stability is simply in having a solid foundation. Mines is in God. We can’t predict the future, the only thing we can control is how we react to what comes with it. You are entitled to have a meltdown every once in a while; just don’t stay there. Cry, wipe the tears and go look for the light. A change is always going to come, so don’t be fearful. Look for the good in all of it. Find strength. Find comfort.

You are loved, cherished and valued. Until we meet again, always be yourself.

The Death of Perfection

When we are born we are these innocent human beings seeking food, love and protection. We don’t even realize it, but these were our three basic needs when we came into the world in order to survive from my perspective. We are not aware of flaws, pain, negative emotions or imperfections. We are simply who we are, our most natural selves.

We begin to grow up and then life starts to happen to us. We experience being teased or ridiculed at school. Some of us are raped, molested and beaten. Others are abandoned, left for dead. Some witness the abuse of parents. We are introduced to drugs and alcohol. A family member or friend dies and pain enters in. We know not to touch the fire because we will get burned; so we now know somethings can harm us. Life is just happening and we have no way of stopping it. So somehow we go from being innocent, fearless imperfect people to those striving for perfection.

So today I take one single bullet of honesty and shoot perfection. It is dead on arrival and there is nobody that needs to solve this case. The only case that needs to be solved is what caused you to think if you were not perfect you were no good. Let’s solve the case of why you never think you are good enough, no matter how many times people tell you who truly love you.

There are so many images in magazines, in TV shows, movies and all over social media that make us believe we need to be perfect. The front covers of magazines are models, actresses and other prominent people who have been photo-shopped. So now you believe that you have to look a certain way to be accepted. We have been taught over time that failure is not good. We have been made to believe that failure is so terrible, we cringe at the very thought of it. Now you have this seed of perfectionism buried deep inside of you birthing bitterness, anger, resentment, fear and all types of anxieties.

Do you know that some of the greatest people in the world failed miserably over and over before they got it right? It is our failures that teach us how to do better and be better people. Failure sometimes catapults us in the right direction; if we let it. God never created any of us to be perfect because if he did, sin would have never entered the world. He knew from the beginning we were going to fall and make mistakes, so why are you beating yourself up about them? Why do you still believe if you are not perfect nobody will love you, you won’t make it and you will never have anything? And just to clarify, I am not telling anyone to get up and deliberately sin.

Perfectionism is something that has plagued me for years and I still struggle with it sometimes. However, it is not nearly as strong in my life as it was when I was younger. I realized my senior year of high school that the weight of perfection was too much for me to carry. I heard constant statements of ” the kids at church look up to you, you are a role model,” etc. I was dying inside trying to keep up this image that I was made to feel I had to be. I felt like everyone was watching me and if I made a mistake I was going straight to hell or worse someone else would screw up because of it. Until I finally got to the place where I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to just find myself. I freed myself to just be me.

Perfection is evil in it’s purest form because it presents itself as beautiful. It creates a need for control and sometimes will cause you to manipulative. Things just have to go your way or else. It will cause people to misunderstand you. You will feel if everything is perfect then everything will be okay and go according to plan.  Well led me shed some punches of light that will hopefully knock some sense into you. Almost nothing ever goes according to plan and sometimes things just aren’t going to be okay regardless of what you do.

So this post is to encourage those of you who think less of yourself because of a magazine, what someone said, what you witnessed, for flunking out of school, for ruining a relationship, giving up a child because your family thought it was the right thing to do, becoming an alcoholic, getting strung out on drugs. You still have time to turn life around. You are beautiful the way that you are. All the cellulite, the fact that your legs rub together when you walk, your skin condition, your nerdiness, and  the fact that you are quirky. Your glasses are cool and not dumb, your being skinny, your being full-sized, your teeth having a gap, the flab on your arms and your chunky tummy. Beautiful. You do not have to be perfect. You just have to be the best version of yourself that you can be. That version includes every imperfection and it’s amazing. Love you some you !

You are loved, cherished and valued. Until next time.

Four Seasons

Each season comes with something different. The differences are both good and bad.

The fall brings beautiful foliage with the leaves changing colors but the leaves also fall and can become messy. Winter brings cold weather but the beauty of Christmas, Hanukkah and uniquely designed snow flakes that glisten against light. Spring brings beautiful flowers and nice weather; it also comes with allergies that most people dread experiencing. Then there is summer, which most people look forward to. It brings such nice weather and can call for travel, but there can also be hurricanes and heat so hot that you can’t stand it.

I say all this to say that we have to accept each season in life for what it is. It is going to come with the good and bad. Although each season brings something we may not like with it, we enjoy what it also represents. For instance, I can’t stand cold weather but I absolutely love the feeling of thanksgiving and Christmas. Most of us look forward to summer but we can’t have summer without the expectation of hurricanes.

We spend a lot of time fighting the negative that comes in certain seasons of life and end up missing the beauty of it. Mangoes only come up in summer and certain fruits are only produced in certain seasons. So instead of trying to run out of the season of life that you are in, allow the fruit to be produced. Allow the fruit (your character) to be developed and cause you to be a better person. Don’t miss the opportunity to learn from the suffering that comes with the beauty in one season. The same way we don’t forfeit summer because of a possible hurricane is the same way you shouldn’t forfeit this season of your life. It’s going to be okay. Keep believing. Try something new and whatever you do enjoy each day for what it is.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls, the most massive characters are seared with scars.” -Kahlil Gibran

Remember you are loved, cherished and valued.

Trees of Transitions

I am nervous to even write this blog. I just believe that I am not the only one in this particular place and wanted to share my heart with you.

There are so many of us who were raised in church, to believe in God and serve him. We attended Sunday school, ushered, sang on the choir, danced in the liturgical dance ministry, led services, prayed, fasted, read our poems, did our Easter skits, preached, taught, and some more. You thought that was all there was to it. You serve God, lead others to him and get into heaven. Whatsoever you do, please get to heaven.

Now you are at a place where your spirit is saying there has got to be more to my walk with Christ than this. You are not only saying it but you know deep down and it is almost hard to articulate. Church services as you have known them are no longer enough for you. You don’t want to be entertained but you want an encounter. Your thirsty in a dry place and the only water you need is Jesus.

You are having dreams and visions that you dare not even speak of unless God tells you to do so. You have retreated, you attend church less because you are scared of where you are. You are in this unknown place and it is scary to you. You feel like you don’t have anyone to turn to and that many will think you are crazy. When you say you need more, the response is more of what? I know I cannot be alone in this.

God is calling you higher and you are saying I just want to be normal. Why me Lord? It’s not a conceited, specialized why me but a why me that is cry from the depth of your soul. You are overwhelmed. God is calling you to step out and walk on water and you haven’t a clue as to where the destination is. Nobody has been there that you know of and there isn’t a book, a pastor, a prophet or anyone who seems to truly understand.

Can I just say that I am there too. My hope is that this blog will allow some of us to interact and realize we are not alone. I will just say that I felt like I was losing my mind because deep down I sort of know that this next dimension will cause me to stand out in a way that I never have before. I don’t even expect many to understand or get it. Many didn’t even understand Jesus and he is the one who we serve.

Today is one of those days where I just want to be like Elijah and go sit under a tree. I want to sit in a mountain, not because I fear for my life that someone will take it but because I fear the unknown. I fear going to this place in God that I experience what some of those before me have experienced. Deep calls unto deep. I am in relationship with Christ, an intimate relationship. There are books I need to read, scriptures I need revelation of and I am not reading too much because I am terrified to move forward.

Nobody could have prepared me for this. I thought I was going to settle down, have a family and teach them to believe in God. God is now saying to me yes you may have that, but I need more of you. I require more of you. So I write this blog today to simply say I know you need more and yet you are scared of what more is. Things you used to believe you no longer believe and what once was satisfactory has left you starved. You are sitting under the tree of transition. You may even feel inadequate like Moses wondering how can you speak to these people when you don’t know enough. You don’t feel ready and you want to just have a normal life.

Yet again I say, I don’t have all the answers. I just know that all we can do is seek God. Exercise some patience. Cry if you have to, weep if you have to. Take deep breaths. But don’t run because we saw what happened when Jonah ran. Run to the God who is calling you and be assure that in the midst of this new, scary unknown place, God is able to keep you and he will never leave you. Until more is revealed, I can only hope to let you know you are not alone and not crazy.

You are loved, cherished and valued.